Blog of My Paradise

Anchors Away - (Thanks Donna)

2008-11-17T12:21:00.000-08:00

So I read Donna's blog entry - & it really makes you think ... Anchors - wow am i REALLY tied down?! or what?! I have 3 beautiful daughters & a beautiful grandaughter! How much more anchored can ya be?? They are my life - without them - not sure who I would be or what I would be. I started so young - 17 for my first - 20 for my second - 22 for my third! I wouldn't trade it for the world - the only draw back is that I was molded by those babies - to be what & who they needed from the time I was 17 til.... well til forever I guess. I have not really been "just JoAnn" - always someone else's something - kinda scary to be 29 & not know who you are - HA HA - I said 29 - NOPE 10 years ago I was. But 39 and just now trying to find out who you are. Maybe that means I am finally grown up - OR not - who knows!! I know wherever my heart is - IS - my home. My home is where my family is - where my friends are - I am so blessed. I am really trying to find "peace" in all that I do!! Kinda crazy - the changes that have erupted in my life & mind - I am in such a different place now than I was 6 months ago. Anchor - so thought I was the anchor in my home & my life & my family's life - but now more like the black hole - what I do - everything I do effects my children. I so don't want to make the wrong decision - but what makes it wrong?? Wrong for who? Me? Them? When is it my time?? To make those decisions for ME - not because it's whatever someone else - everyone else wants??!! So - back to anchors - sometimes we just have to let go & it's ok to not be ANCHOR'D!!!! Rite??

Time

2008-11-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

Wow - time flies doesn't? I can't believe the Holidays are almost here. This past year has been really hard on me (and I am sure on others as well)! First of all, my husband & I were riding with a group of friends in Hot Springs @ the Bike Rally last September. Well we had a wreck the 2nd day we were there. He broke his ankle & I busted my knee up pretty bad and we both had road rash. So not only was our once a year weekend get away cut short, but we were both layed up after the fact. Him way longer than me. Secondly, November 1st was the biggest life changing moment in my life. My Daddy was killed in a one vehicle accident in Austin, TX. My world fell apart - not only did I lose my Daddy, but my 3 daughters lost their "Ol Dad". Devastation swallowed me up & just wouldn't spit me out! I couldn't grieve for myself for worrying about my babies losing their grandfather - how were we ever going to survive this??? Then just 3 months later, our receptionist was found dead in her apartment. She called in sick 2 days in a row & then just quit calling & so I had been trying to call her for about a day & a 1/2 then I called the apartment office & asked them to check on her - that's when they found her. Another devastating moment in time that changed me. Rebecca's passing hurt me to the core - she was only 31 years old - so intelligent & pretty - had so much to offer. Gone in a blink - My Daddy was an alcoholic - ultimately that is what killed him (no he was not driving while drunk) he didn't have any alcohol in his system @ all. Rebecca was an alcoholic & that IS what killed her. Needless to say if someone were to ask me my phobia? I would say - alcoholism - Last but not least - my marriage - my husband & I have been together for 14 years - 11 of those years as husband & wife. Sorrowful as it is - we had "lives" together - plural being the op - we never did cultivate a full "life" together. We led separate lives our whole time together. I want more & he doesn't want anything! That is a bad combination - but my husband is a very good hearted guy - just very set in his ways - I guess I only have myself to blame - I am the one that has changed - I am the one that wants more - he is fine to just let it all pass him by. Our whole lives shifted each time those 3 things happened. 1) The wreck 2) My daddy leaving & 3) Rebecca leaving.

So now my heartache is what do I do now? Where do I go? I am 39 years old & @ one of the biggest crossroads of my life . . .

7 Things About Me

2008-10-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

1. I am a mother of 3 & a grandmother of 1.

2. My favorite color is Green.

3. I love to read (anything I can get my hands on!).

4. I want my next car to be a Black Dodge Challenger .

5. Boot Camp is kicking my butt - but - I love it.

6. I love my family & friends w/all my heart!!

7. Am starting college next summer.

Austin Rocks!!!

2008-10-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

Well actually Marble Falls/Bertram!! Am so blessed to be here w/my "Mama" & my best friend!! One month is far too long to go w/out seeing her so imagine that the months that have passed since March - killing me!! So many things happen to change us & make us grow! I am thankful everyday I have Bellenda in my life & heart! Well we snuck to the library & I think they are going to kick me out for the "loud" typing so I better run!! Love to all!!!

BOOT CAMP

2008-10-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

So my best friend Stephanie & I joined "Boot Camp" @ our gym "Drew LeBlanc's Elite Fitness". I thought we were going to DIE the first day of the demo. But we decided to give it our best & go ahead & try it. The camp is for 4 weeks - 3 days each week - 1 hour each class. Let me tell you that 1 hour feels like 5!!!! Tonight will be our 5th class & last night we both felt a difference in our strength. I believe we are both getting stronger. What sucks is I have been getting shin splints & Steph had surgery on one of knees & it's bothering her too! But no matter what we are going to complete these damn classes!!! HARD CORE - doesn't even begin to describe the intensity of our workouts!! All I want is to be able to look back & appreciate the hard work & commitment & see the results from that!! So please wish us LUCK - for we are well on our way to a new US!!!

2008-10-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

So it's the old cliche' - GOOD FRIENDS ARE HARD TO FIND - I know there are other statements just as true but in my life I am so greatful for the best friends that I have. Tracey is my vbsff - we have been connected for so much longer than we have known each other. From the very first time we met there has never been a doubt as to the importance of our friendship. GOD gives us gifts everyday of our lives - some go away - n we forget them, others are like a seed of life planted in our hearts that gives us many reasons to go on. So many different personalities and so very important to my everyday life. Life is not complete without your true friends - I am so blessed to have them in my heart & life. I love you all!!!!

Donna is Leaving - A Sad Time

2008-10-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

2 days in a row - I can't believe I am doing this. Life is so crazy right now! One of my best friends who also happens to be a co-worker is moving to California - that's right - 1625 miles away from me!! So hard to believe I won't see her everyday or talk to her everyday. The only good thing is we are already talking about a trip in March for me to fly to Vegas & then onto Burbank which is so close to where she will be living!! Some people touch your life & leave - others stay - but they all make us look deep down & try to decide what's important & what's not! I will miss her like crazy - can't even imagine what it will be like without her!! But I want her to be happy & I envy the adventure her life is about to take! I wish her the very very best - n - I love her!!

I made it to the 2nd Post!!

2008-10-16T12:04:00.001-07:00

OK so I am not good @ this @ all.

The only thing that remains the same is: CONSTANT CHANGE

Life has a way of throwing some hard fast curves! It's difficult sometimes to decipher the importance of people or things in your life!! What makes a person good for you ? or bad? We all make mistakes - it's what we do with those moments in time from that point on that will make us or break us. So I guess we have to decide where to go from there. . . Easier said than done. People - so many people pass through our lives and whether or not it's a good thing or not shapes our lives & if not that then @ least a moment in our life. Someone comes into your life for only a fleeting moment. They touch your heart in such a profound way that leaves you with a lasting memory! Isn't that so true??

1st Blog

2008-10-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

So this is my first time to blog so bare with me. My best friend/co-worker Donna talked me into this - she is a pro @ this kinda stuff!! I am sure to catch on as I am almost never @ a loss for words. Just ask my all best friends . . .